How The Hell Do I Get Out Of This One?I don't get to see my girflriend too much because I work so many hours a week that it's almost impossible. That, mixed with her schedule, doesn't make for much time to see her. When I do find time to see her, I fly from work to her house going 90 in a 55 MPH zone.
That being said, Monday I was speeding to her house from work. I was on a local highway and about 5 minutes from her house when the blue lights blinded my eyes from my rear-view mirror.
Damn, I've just been pulled over. The officer walked up to my car, asked how I was doing, then the usual "license and registration, please".
Nothing out of the ordinary. I carry a gun for my profession and still had it strapped to my side, so I showed him my work ID and gun permit BEFORE whipping out the gun and saying: "Here's my gun! I'm allowed to carry one!" Phew, won't do that one again.
After looking over the permit, he eyeballed my crotch. "I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car, sir. Keep your hands where I can see them."
Either he's a gay cop, or he has a problem with the gun. I was asked to put my hands on the roof of the car. He pulled my 357 out of its holder. "I'm going to hold onto this while I run your license, if you don't mind.
You can step back into the car." I got in and shut my door. "So, Mr. Justin, why were you driving so fast?" At this moment, my bull**** dispenser started cranking.
I could afford another ticket, but would rather not deal with an increased insurance rate. I started spitting a line of total BS.
"Well sir, my job doesn't allow me to see my fiance very much. Since this is the first time in forever that I'm going to see her, I'm rushing to her house to pop the question. I apologize for speeding, I'm just so excited to see the look on her face when I ask her to marry me."
"Do you have a ring?" "No sir, can't afford one."
"Ah, poor kid." "I know. Could you do me a favor and write me a ticket? I'd like to look back on this night and laugh about the time I was pulled over and given a ticket the night I was rushing to propose to my wife."
The reason I asked him this is to make my story seem to check out. I'm calling his bluff, if you will.
"Haha, you kids. I'll tell you what-- I'll do you one better. I'll escort you over there through traffic if you're in that much of a rush. Wouldn't that be more of a story?" Damnit.
The guy's caught up in making a Kodak moment when all I want to do is get him off my back and eat tacos with my girlfriend... NOT propose.
I've only known the girl for two months-- not exactly ready for the big commitment yet. "Yes sir, I do believe it would."
After giving him her street name and address, he knew exactly where to go. ****. I got in my car and followed him as his siren rang out. Traffic pulled to the side, peopled yielded at red lights, and cars stopped-- all so I could have tacos with my girlfriend. After getting to her house, the officer stepped out of his car and knocked on her door.
She opened it and stared at him, then me in a look of confusion. "Hi, I pulled this gentleman over a few minutes ago because he was in a rush to get over here so fast. Justin? Would you like to take it from here?"
I looked at Courtney, then the officer, who wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I tried to take her inside, but the officer stood right there in the doorway to witness the event.
The things I'd do to get out of a ticket.
"Courtney... I know I've only known you a short time. But, in that short time
'YES JUSTIN! I WILL MARRY YOU!"
The officer smiled and clapped as Courtney clamped her arms around my body. The neighbors, who had been wondering why a cop car with its lights on was outside her house cheered. Courtney's parents called me and told me that they were proud that their daughter found such a nice guy. Me?
Well I got out of a ticket. **** you. I'm engaged.
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A man was speeding down the highway
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah... so," the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
Is it my face?
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said,
"How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."
What am I supposed to do with this?
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
I was at the local Wal-Mart.
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket
...So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...But hey, I didn't give a damn.
My car was parked around the corner ...
a cop on horseback
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there.
Did Santa bring that to you?"The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."The kid continued,
"Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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